What are the actions of loving?

Love is not just a feeling or a bond. It is also a verb – actions. If “you’re in love” or love someone, these are the typical actions. 

• Listening respectfully & seeking to understand.
• Speaking openly – without blame or judgement – when something is bothering you/them.
• Being curious and non-judgemental about the person & their life.
• Helping.
• Holding the other (& yourself) to account for transgressions. Gently and without blame. Apologising - when you’ve done wrong. Making amends. Forgiving.
• Doing things that you know will make you/them happy.
• Trusting and being trustworthy.
• Affectionate touch.
• Laughing together.
• Compromising (except on something really important to you/them).
• Random acts of kindness.
• Protecting the other (while honouring their capacity to protect themselves).
• Empathy & compassion when the other is hurting.
• Cherishing differences.
• Fairness – each contributing according to their capacity, each receiving according to their need.
• Collaborating & striving together to attain shared goals.
• Accepting the other’s family & friends.

 These are NOT actions of loving 

• Yelling, screaming
• Denigrating
• Name calling
• Blaming
• Fault finding
• Sulking, withdrawing

 These are NOT actions of loving AND could be domestic violence 

• Restricting your access to money, friends or family
• Threatening harm
• Intimidating
• Stalking
• Harrassing

If you’re in love with someone, and they’re not treating you lovingly, speak out. Or leave.