29 Aug

Love is not just a feeling or a bond. It is also a verb – actions. If “you’re in love” or love someone, these are the typical actions. 

  • Listening respectfully & seeking to understand.
  • Speaking openly – without blame or judgement – when something is bothering you/them.
  • Being curious and non-judgemental about the person & their life.
  • Helping.
  • Holding the other (& yourself) to account for transgressions. Gently and without blame. Apologising - when you’ve done wrong. Making amends. Forgiving.
  • Doing things that you know will make you/them happy.
  • Trusting and being trustworthy.
  • Affectionate touch.
  • Laughing together.
  • Compromising (except on something really important to you/them).
  • Random acts of kindness.
  • Protecting the other (while honouring their capacity to protect themselves).
  • Empathy & compassion when the other is hurting.
  • Cherishing differences.
  • Fairness – each contributing according to their capacity, each receiving according to their need.
  • Collaborating & striving together to attain shared goals.
  • Accepting the other’s family & friends.

 These are NOT actions of loving 

  • Yelling, screaming
  • Denigrating
  • Name calling
  • Blaming
  • Fault finding
  • Sulking, withdrawing

 These are NOT actions of loving AND could be domestic violence 

  • Restricting your access to money, friends or family
  • Threatening harm
  • Intimidating
  • Stalking
  • Harrassing

If you’re in love with someone, and they’re not treating you lovingly, speak out. Or leave.

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